Saturday, January 17, 2015

Misery enjoys company: a note to a friend

Merry Christmas and congrats to you both as well.

Well, I guess there is some truth to "misery enjoys company" because sorry to say I felt better just knowing someone else is feeling the same as I do.

I don't know how comparable our circumstances are but here is the basic run down on the good bad and ugly of my life.

August turned 2 in November and I was aiming to completely wean him earlier. First I said at 1 but then I noticed it was easier to get sleep through his teething. I co-sleep. Then I said 1 1/2 but then my sister was getting married in Switzerland and he never really used the bottle so to survive an 11 hour flight as quietly as possible I put it off again. (He mainly nursed to fall asleep at this point) after her wedding it was like everyone at home was getting sick with one thing after another. So finally only when he turned 2 had I committed to no nursing at nap time and Rob was off for holiday we weaned him completely. One thing good about having waited this long is August is comprehensive enough to understand when I say, "no more. All done."

(This was in draft for awhile now I'm back to replying)

We cuddle him to sleep now and this has made a huge difference for my personal sanity. I've realized there is no perfect time for weaning. It's just being committed.

The first trimester absolutely sucked. I hated everything. I feel better now just am bigger. I hope feeling miserable is starting to dissipate for you. You have a smaller gap between your 1st and 2nd than I do. Not sure what managing strategies I can offer except I've noticed I'm happier and August is happier when I stay focused on him. So when I get caught up in trying to cook, clean or do anything and he gets anxious. Sometimes I remember to just give those things up, stare at him until I realize how adorable and precious my relationship to him is. Then my contentment to do simple things with him comes back. I try to remember he'll only be young now and most other mom's have messes around the house and don't match their clothes very well :)

I'll admit. I'm over ever being pregnant again. I don't plan on having anymore after this 2nd. And I'm okay if there is a fluke 3rd but I'm leaving that in God's power and will do what is reasonably in my power to prevent a 3rd pregnancy. If HE wants to bless me with funds to adopt that's cool too, but I'd prefer to have a consistent functioning body from now on. 

Oh and one more thing, I've been trying to "train" myself to cry as a result of frustration rather than the result be anger. This is still tricky sometimes just because it's easy for me to be angry in 2 seconds but if I shake it off and cry when I can't fake it any longer it seems healthier and when August sees that and his response also seems more empathetic. 

Wait one more! I get so stressed by family opinion on what to do about how I should do this or that. There is no absolute "how to" I do what I can to not let that outside opinions get to me because in the end you know your child the best and I've tried to act according to my own clear decisions and observing what actions I can take to raise August in the confidence that I'm training/teaching out of love and not out of "family/society" pressure.

For example, A is not the social butterfly, he's shy and observant and he hasn't developed many words yet. I think he's just going to have some break through over the next year. People are telling me he should go to daycare for a couple of hours or look into speech therapy. Daycare I consider but therapy? He just turned 2 two months ago. Geeez....I'm more concerned about him getting a little more socialized than worried about his speech because I know he understands he just hasn't tried using his lips much. Anyway, little venting example. So yeah, you decide what is priority for the health and benefit of your child in the timing you think is suitable and you also are ready to commit to. Other people aren't going to be the ones carrying their weight in words raising your child.

Ok I wrote you a novel thanks for listening to some of my venting but I hope it brings some comfort. Wish you all well and hoping for the best. It'll all turn out alright.

Taking it in stride,
Jen