Saturday, January 17, 2015

Misery enjoys company: a note to a friend

Merry Christmas and congrats to you both as well.

Well, I guess there is some truth to "misery enjoys company" because sorry to say I felt better just knowing someone else is feeling the same as I do.

I don't know how comparable our circumstances are but here is the basic run down on the good bad and ugly of my life.

August turned 2 in November and I was aiming to completely wean him earlier. First I said at 1 but then I noticed it was easier to get sleep through his teething. I co-sleep. Then I said 1 1/2 but then my sister was getting married in Switzerland and he never really used the bottle so to survive an 11 hour flight as quietly as possible I put it off again. (He mainly nursed to fall asleep at this point) after her wedding it was like everyone at home was getting sick with one thing after another. So finally only when he turned 2 had I committed to no nursing at nap time and Rob was off for holiday we weaned him completely. One thing good about having waited this long is August is comprehensive enough to understand when I say, "no more. All done."

(This was in draft for awhile now I'm back to replying)

We cuddle him to sleep now and this has made a huge difference for my personal sanity. I've realized there is no perfect time for weaning. It's just being committed.

The first trimester absolutely sucked. I hated everything. I feel better now just am bigger. I hope feeling miserable is starting to dissipate for you. You have a smaller gap between your 1st and 2nd than I do. Not sure what managing strategies I can offer except I've noticed I'm happier and August is happier when I stay focused on him. So when I get caught up in trying to cook, clean or do anything and he gets anxious. Sometimes I remember to just give those things up, stare at him until I realize how adorable and precious my relationship to him is. Then my contentment to do simple things with him comes back. I try to remember he'll only be young now and most other mom's have messes around the house and don't match their clothes very well :)

I'll admit. I'm over ever being pregnant again. I don't plan on having anymore after this 2nd. And I'm okay if there is a fluke 3rd but I'm leaving that in God's power and will do what is reasonably in my power to prevent a 3rd pregnancy. If HE wants to bless me with funds to adopt that's cool too, but I'd prefer to have a consistent functioning body from now on. 

Oh and one more thing, I've been trying to "train" myself to cry as a result of frustration rather than the result be anger. This is still tricky sometimes just because it's easy for me to be angry in 2 seconds but if I shake it off and cry when I can't fake it any longer it seems healthier and when August sees that and his response also seems more empathetic. 

Wait one more! I get so stressed by family opinion on what to do about how I should do this or that. There is no absolute "how to" I do what I can to not let that outside opinions get to me because in the end you know your child the best and I've tried to act according to my own clear decisions and observing what actions I can take to raise August in the confidence that I'm training/teaching out of love and not out of "family/society" pressure.

For example, A is not the social butterfly, he's shy and observant and he hasn't developed many words yet. I think he's just going to have some break through over the next year. People are telling me he should go to daycare for a couple of hours or look into speech therapy. Daycare I consider but therapy? He just turned 2 two months ago. Geeez....I'm more concerned about him getting a little more socialized than worried about his speech because I know he understands he just hasn't tried using his lips much. Anyway, little venting example. So yeah, you decide what is priority for the health and benefit of your child in the timing you think is suitable and you also are ready to commit to. Other people aren't going to be the ones carrying their weight in words raising your child.

Ok I wrote you a novel thanks for listening to some of my venting but I hope it brings some comfort. Wish you all well and hoping for the best. It'll all turn out alright.

Taking it in stride,
Jen

Thursday, November 21, 2013

You do it.

Usually I mull over something seemingly small and keep it to myself. However, this time I'll share: August had been under the weather on Monday and the following 2 days after had a fever. It was miserable for him (and us). After a visit with the pediatrician I felt like, "well, give it time he'll get better soon." Returning from the doc, August napped on my lap. I've been reading, "Miracle Work: A Down-to-Earth Guide for Supernatural People" by Jordan Seng and was on the chapter - You Do It. So, I did. Silently within myself my words were literally, "Dear God, please heal August of this fever. In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen." When he woke, his 102F temp was down to normal.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Sailing Bluewater

We left Honolulu July 29th and today, 2 months later, marks the beginning of building our home in NorCal. God is so good to us and is faithful to keep me through all the ebb and flow in life. (Holla Bluewater Mission friends)

It's lovely to have the privilege of attending the weddings of Elora & Teddy, Jessi & Brent and most recently Renee & Matt.

And a blessing to have stayed with my parents in Naperville, Illinois for a number of weeks as well as Shannon's home in Willits, California while our apartment logistics were getting squared away.

All this to say that we have experienced and abundance of love and support and wish to express gratitude to all our dear friends and family for their patience and generosity. 

Now I am very happy to unpack. And take a deep breath. And perhaps shed a tear as I reflect on my Lord's ultimate gentle and leading hand as we've made some leaps and bounds across the pacific and the nation to reach this destination. He is my Rock, my Salvation, my Protector, my Father who never fails to love us. My faith is anchored in Him.

Hold on, my heart, in your believing---
Only the steadfast wins the crown;
He who, when stormy winds are heaving,
Parts with his anchor, will go down;
But he who Jesus holds through all,
Will stand, though Heaven and earth should fall.
Hold on! An end will come to sorrow;
Hope from the dust will conquering rise;
The storm foretells a summer's morrow;
The Cross points on to Paradise;
The Father reigns! So cease all doubt;
Hold on, my heart. Hold on, hold out.

-oct 7 Streams in the Desert

I'm delighted to be still and know Truth. Faith. Hope. Love.....God.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Welcome to the world.

I haven't posted since attending my cousin, Rebecca's wedding in India. While I was there I was entering my second trimester of my first baby. Since that voyage and returning home to Honolulu, I moved across town. My husband and I moved in with another couple from church who were expecting their first child as well. Several people think its crazy that we moved into a larger, shared space. However, I plead the 5th that I had pregnant brain and I didn't want to go through this alone. We all do not have family here in Hawaii so rely on our church family. We are such different couples but since having our babies I'm glad we were together. If I were by myself all day with a crying baby I think I may have fallen into a lonely, possibly depressed state for awhile considering minor postpartum and recovering from an emergency C-section. The other couple's baby had to flown to the mainland for emergency heart surgery. The surgery was a complete success and their baby is recovered well and is back on track. Through the final trimester the two of us mom's had each other to talk about concerns, curiosities and share in all the prayers and praise reports. The journey up to this point had been dreadfully challenging to say the least and I don't regret one bit moving in with each other. We won't be in this shared/community environment for too long. People ask how do we survive together? My thoughts are:

-I had to stop comparing myself to some I know on the mainland, buying houses, decorating a baby room, etc. and look around me. I dare say the majority of people making their lives in Hawaii are in shared living spaces.

-We choose to trust each other in our home to be respectful and as clean as we are capable of the kitchen and common spaces.

-We help each other and aim to be continuously flexible to needs.

-And we communicate reasonably with sober judgement and thinking and listening.

It has been a joy and a blessing entering a new season of life together. We went from four to six! I adore my baby August and absolutely enjoy that he has a playmate, baby Emery.

Monday, August 27, 2012

2012 The End? or just the Beginning?

I haven't posted in awhile, but so much has happened.

I've transitioned to working at Macy's and while I still hope for an occupation that is more in tune with art, design, architecture....I'm thankful because since arriving back to Hawaii making friends outside of a campus lifestyle has been very different.  There are wonderful women I've met at Macy's and I think I really needed that.

Also, it allowed me the flexibility to travel and attend my cousin's wedding in India.  What an unforgettable time with family.


Upon my return from India, I announced, "I'm having a baby :)"having entered the second trimester of my pregnancy.  Yeah that first trimester was a bit challenging, like I believe most women go through.  I am so much more happy during the second, being able to eat what I want again :)



Rob and I within a month returning from the trip met with a friend-couple from church who are also expecting and we all decided to move in together for the sake of affording a bigger living space.  I cannot express how happy and thankful I am to have a space to sleep in separate from where I eat.  Rob and I were living in a studio space previously and with a new lil one on the way, it would be very claustrophobic.

Which brings me to this month of August.  We decided to get a car and I'm going to learn manual (yes even as a pregnant woman this is one new thing I will learn before I deliver)  So far I am able to go from zero to 1st, 2nd, 3rd gear and reverse.  It is all very exciting.  I just need to get more practice in so I can drive with My Rob as my supervisor.  This brings me back to being 15 years old with a driver's permit.

I am now 28 weeks in my pregnancy, starting my third trimester.  Baby Boy is moving around and is expected to arrive this November.  I'm not sure how life will play out, but I can definitely say that 2012 thus far has been a year full of new and exciting things, and definitely not the end of the world :)  We're more than halfway through this year and I anticipate many joyful things yet to come before the turn.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

email and reply


(this video was shared to me by email a couple of weeks ago)

what is so admirable about this guy is not that he does so much with no arms or legs,
but rather his positive attitude and outlook on life.

I know I've been asking God to work on my attitude. It is like my pride still gets in the way. I know that in whatever I do I should do my best for the glory of the Lord, but lately I've been whining like a baby. I really ought to be more responsible with what I have right now and count my blessings. AND I am BLESSED!

I am blessed because...(and these are just a few items)

-I have family who loves me and we make effort to keep in touch and continue to pour out love by God's word and encouragement.
-I made a big move only 3 1/2 months ago...
we have a church family, with people willing to take us into their home while we find a place to live.
-within a week of arriving to the island had a place to live.
-within the next 2 weeks I had a job and Rob was in the UH system for his job.
-and we hopped into a small group
-I had the opportunity to go on the All-Church Retreat, camp for a night and boldly seek God's word and the Holy Spirit.
-I attended "Love Feast" (potluck) last Sunday and witnessed people getting baptized.
-This week is Thanksgiving!


The world presents statistics about our economy with such a bleak outlook but look....
I have family, a home, a place to work, a community, yummy food to eat and many opportunities to be in fellowship with other believers and be encouraged.

When I really think about it, I really kind of feel like a pilgrim meeting with the most diverse group of people in this new land and breaking bread, sharing a meal and giving thanks for God bringing us here safe, providing and receiving an abundance of care and love.

John 10:10
New King James Version (NKJV)

10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

What spurred on this entry was me asking God yesterday, "Just tell me what to do!" and his reply this morning was:

Shallow and Profound

Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God —1 Corinthians 10:31

Beware of allowing yourself to think that the shallow aspects of life are not ordained by God; they are ordained by Him equally as much as the profound. We sometimes refuse to be shallow, not out of our deep devotion to God but because we wish to impress other people with the fact that we are not shallow. This is a sure sign of spiritual pride. We must be careful, for this is how contempt for others is produced in our lives. And it causes us to be a walking rebuke to other people because they are more shallow than we are. Beware of posing as a profound person— God became a baby.

To be shallow is not a sign of being sinful, nor is shallowness an indication that there is no depth to your life at all— the ocean has a shore. Even the shallow things of life, such as eating and drinking, walking and talking, are ordained by God. These are all things our Lord did. He did them as the Son of God, and He said, “A disciple is not above his teacher . . .” (Matthew 10:24).

We are safeguarded by the shallow things of life. We have to live the surface, commonsense life in a commonsense way. Then when God gives us the deeper things, they are obviously separated from the shallow concerns. Never show the depth of your life to anyone but God. We are so nauseatingly serious, so desperately interested in our own character and reputation, we refuse to behave like Christians in the shallow concerns of life.

Make a determination to take no one seriously except God. You may find that the first person you must be the most critical with, as being the greatest fraud you have ever known, is yourself.


Anyway there is a tidbit of my life right now.

I know it is kind of a novel, but it is what it is.

Love,

Jen, Ateh, coz, bff

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Bluewater Mission - all church retreat


It is funny how things turn out. Never really anticipated returning to Hawaii.
Anyway, it was strange I felt like I was leaving home but returning home at the same time. I knew we would come back to this church, Bluewater Mission. It is really a treasure to find a church and community you naturally feel at home with.

The retreat this weekend was refreshing. We had the chance to build on our new friendships as well as our previous ones and just be peaceful-minded, having had no agenda really.
Rob and I only camped one night instead of two. It was so busy Friday (moving the piano - ref. to previous post) and running several other errands that we were both knocked out.

It turned out for the best, I guess it was really windy out in Kaneohe, where we were camping. That would've been too difficult to pitch a tent - in the wind, in the dark.

So Saturday we arrived had lunch, Rob went on a hike, I met with some people, threw the Frisbee around, took a walk along the bay, ate (a lot at) dinner and had a evening of worship with the other church members. Having a weekend like that was sooooo needed. After worship we all made s'mores by the bonfire and having had camped in the designated "loud" area. People were up playing like, 70s, 80s, 90s greatest hits music.

In the morning, for breakfast I had a croissant with cream cheese and nutella (awesome!) we had normal church service to conclude the weekend and caught a ride home with Lori in her mustang convertible with the top down.

Yes, it was all good.